The Middle
We are in the middle. Maybe the beginning of the middle. Maybe the middle of the middle. Probably not the end of the middle. We are in the middle. Past the shock and onto dreaming of back yard BBQ’s—maybe with masks this time. We’re still fighting about ethics to distract from our fear that we’re doing it wrong. Should I wear the mask while I walk in the neighborhood? How do I tell my kids they need to wear a mask? Should we visit a lonely loved one? Is it time that we can expand our safe circle of people? What will people think? What do I think?
We are in the middle. The initial rush of “we can do this” is replaced with “how long are we doing this?”. The middle where any money we had squirreled away has run out and maybe we’ll get help, maybe we won’t. The middle where we are more financially sound than before and we can’t hold the guilt of it. The middle where we want the lack of stimulation to stay around but that makes us horrible people. The middle where we wonder if we’d rather die than be so alone. The middle where we’ve figured out new ways to be in business. New ways to parent. The middle where we realize our kids are better without so many darned activities. The middle where we realize our kids really need those darned activities.
We want to hug. Anyone. Someday soon, maybe?
We are in the middle, where the depression may start to sink in. The “why can’t I do more?” middle. The “I feel guilty” middle. The “can I do more?” middle and the “I can’t seem to do more” middle. The defiant middle. The scared middle. The angry middle.
We are meant to have each other. Be with each other. We are wishing every day for the way out of not having a choice. And we are burdened by the choices we have. We are in the middle and it’s not the easy part of this trail. It’s the ugly part… the muddy part we sludge through to get to the view at the top of the mountain. The part where we pull out the map. How far left? But we find the map erased—or really never there.
We are in the middle and none of us are feeling it in the same way. In a society full of who we should be we must try to just be.
Because we are in the middle and in the middle all we can do is be. Maybe in the middle we find some grace for who we really are even if…
We are in the middle