3 Reasons Counseling Is Not Just For The Bad Times- Part A

Why Counseling Is Not Just For The Bad Times

Lara Stevenson, LPCA

As a counselor I often first meet clients when they are feeling overwhelmed or stuck.  The urgency to feel better is so pressing that it is hard for clients to imagine a time when they WILL feel better.  The good news is, typically clients do begin to feel better.  Sometimes this is due to the experience of "being heard".  Other times, it is because the client has gained a new perspective or learned new skills.  And sometimes it truly is because things have gotten easier to manage in life-- those things that felt out of your control are now feeling "in control".  

This is when clients begin to think "Maybe I don't need to continue counseling now.  What is there to talk about now that I'm feeling better again?".  Others may think "I'm just wasting my counselor's time and my money since there isn't really anything to be fixed".  Clients become anxious just trying to figure out what to be upset about so that they have something to share in the session. This is when a good counselor may subtly or not so subtly suggest that it is still very healthy and possibly essential to sustaining your growth to stay engaged in the counseling relationship for a bit longer.  But why?  Below are 3 reasons why you may want to stay in counseling even if you're feeling better.

Evaluating the Why:

It may be important to spend some time on the question "Why am I feeling better?"  If you are feeling better because your horrible boss just quit or you just got an influx of cash it is quite possible that when circumstances change again, you will be just as overwhelmed as you were the first time.  The goal is not just to feel better but to learn ways to cope with external changes that are stressful to you.  You may also be feeling better because of a pattern in your life that is not all that healthy.  For example, you may be feeling better because you've just met an amazing girl/guy and you no longer feel alone and worthless.  This may be part of a pattern you've created where you are dependent on someone else to make you happy.  Knowing the why will help you to be sure you are feeling better because you have truly gained new insight and skills and not because you're repeating old patterns that will wind you up in the same spot in 6 months, a year etc.

Understanding the How:

Imagine you just made the most amazing chocolate cake you've ever made, but you were so caught up in making it that you didn't write down all the changes you made to the recipe.  Do you sit back, enjoy the cake and hope you can do it again the same way next time or do you take a minute and try to evaluate what worked that didn't work last time?  The best time to figure out our own patterns and evaluate what we've learned about ourselves is when things are going well. When we are in crisis, all of our energy is put into getting to the next breath... the next solution. That's not typically the best time to see the big picture.  Spend this time understanding how you got here so that you feel more empowered next time to manage these overwhelmed or stuck feelings without crisis.

Sustaining:

While I certainly think it can be healthy preventative "medicine" to maintain a counseling relationship for years if it feels good to you to have a space where you are heard and seen and there is not an unhealthy sense of dependency, I AM NOT recommending that all clients continue in counseling into infinity. There are many ways to create a practice of attending to your mental health and you are the best judge of what is best for you at any given time. Having said that, I do recommend sticking with a counselor through your first "feel good" period of time to make sure that the changes you've made feel sustainable for you.  Changes in perspective or changes in behavior can easily revert back at the first sign of stress.  Your counselor is there to help you tackle the next big stressor with your new perspective and skills without going back to the old way that didn't work for you.  Give yourself and your counselor the opportunity to experientially witness the sustainable change you have engaged in before moving on.

Stay tuned for part B, where I'll discuss reasons you might start counseling when life is good....